


Roses, Chocolate and Realizations

by AlexandraHamilfan (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Post-Divorce, Self-Indulgent, Size Kink, The Author Regrets Nothing, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:11:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22736758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/AlexandraHamilfan
Summary: After his marriage to Vanessa Nadal fell apart, Lin-Manuel Miranda was not expecting to find love again. Erin McLaughlin never thought she'd end up dating the rapper and actor she idolized. But sometimes life throws us curveballs. A totally self-indulgent author insert with Lin and Vanessa remaining friends. Also takes place before Lin's sons were born.
Relationships: Christopher Jackson & Lin-Manuel Miranda, Jasmine Cephas Jones & Original Female Character(s), Lin-Manuel Miranda/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. Not What I Expected

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a completely self indulgent author-insert. The OC and the author are literally the same person. If that's not your cup of tea then please skip this fic. There will be no Vanessa bashing either. Please be aware that the comments are moderated so if you try to flame me, it will be removed.

It was a sunny, but cold morning in New York on Valentine’s Day. Lin-Manuel Miranda could not help but think how appropriate the weather was, considering the recent events in his life. Little more than a month earlier, he had celebrated his fortieth birthday while planning new projects and working on the legacy he planned to leave for his family when he was no longer here.   
There was only one problem. Lin didn’t have a family to leave anything. He had married Vanessa Nadal in 2010, and the marriage had been a happy one. She had loved him and understood him in a way that no one else ever could, but even Vanessa had her limits.   
Lin had developed an obsession with legacy when he began working on his hit Broadway musical Hamilton. Try as she might, it had sparked something in him; a fervor that even Vanessa had been unable to match. Now, Lin’s heart was broken, and he didn’t know how to come close to beginning to repair it. He had sworn off love when Vanessa had their marriage quietly annulled. She had said she wanted to spare him the pain of a divorce, but Lin’s heart had shattered all the same.   
He had always wanted to be married. He needed someone who understood that he had so much to do and so little time to get it all done. People had always told Lin that he was far too morbid when facing his own mortality. He didn’t want to be the one to admit that he needed someone to help him through all of the things that had been weighing on him since he had written the show. The focus on what he was doing with his time had become too much for Vanessa, who worried he was going to burn out or hurt himself. 

It had all come to a screeching halt when Vanessa told him she was done. He’d moped, stewed and brooded, with little to show for it except a few lyrics about broken hearts that made no coherent sense whatsoever. He wanted to beg her to stay, but he knew her well enough to know that when the woman was determined to do something, there was no convincing her otherwise. It was why he had loved her. It was why he had married her. So then, why was it all crumbling now? They’d both known what they were getting into, and those vows were sacred for Lin and for Vanessa. He’d had trouble processing the end of his marriage, and for months he had thought she might come back through his door at any moment. Lin couldn’t tell if he was being a romantic or a fool. His friends all knew how happy he and Vanessa had seemed, but “seemed” was the key word. Things with Vanessa were a mess, and they had to keep the picture in everyone’s mind going because she was a perfectionist and so was he. But that didn’t make the loss of the relationship sting any less. 

“Lin,” Vanessa had told him the day before she left, “we’re ruining ourselves. I know we are, and I think you know it, too. We’re not good for each other anymore.”

“Wait, what are you saying? You want to leave?”

“I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m just not sure.”

“We’ll make this work. I’ll get help, counseling, something. I can’t lose you, ‘Nessa.”

“Don’t think of it like that. This isn’t a loss. We’re still going to be friends. You can’t expect me to just walk out of your life and leave you on your own. You wouldn’t last, I think we both know that. Once upon a time, I had you completely. . .”

“. . . Helpless. That was why I wrote the song.”

“If you know, you know. It’s time, Lin. Before we bring kids into this mess.” Lin stood up then, tears in his eyes. He couldn’t let her go. But he couldn’t make her stay, either. Forcing Vanessa to remain with someone who no longer reflected what she needed in a partner would be torture. 

“Then, go. Find someone who loves you more than I ever could. Be free. And know that I did love you.”

“You still do, Lin. Just not the same way. But do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“When you find her. Tell her about us. Let her know what happened. Because she needs to know how to help you the way I didn’t. If you’re comfortable, once things are steady, I wanna meet her.”

“Done. And I wanna meet him, too. When you find him.”

“Absolutely. I might bring him to the show. If we can get tickets.”, she laughed.

“Even I can't do that. But for you. . . if you're that happy, and you want me to meet him, I’ll see what I can do.” Vanessa gave him one last kiss on the forehead as she left. She had always known, deep down, that she couldn't keep someone like Lin grounded forever. That was why they hadn't worked. It stung like hell, but maybe someday, somehow, she could find a way to move on. They both deserved better than what they had given, and Vanessa knew Lin. There was no question he would find it. 

Like all good things, and all healing, it would take a little time.


	2. New Beginnings

Erin McLaughlin woke up surrounded by the blaring sounds of New York City. She had always imagined the jungle aroused to it's full potential. Now that she was actually living in the city, it all seemed so surreal. She had gotten her dream job working for a law firm that dealt with immigration cases and legal pathways to citizenship for immigrants. The law offices had even offered to pay for her certification. A few years prior, her old friend Johnny and his husband Christopher had moved into the area with their adopted children. The three of them had worked together to convince another friend, Amanda, to come with them, but the attempt had failed.

Erin had only been in the area for about six months when Amanda finally showed up with her fiance Jonathan and Erin’s dear friend Cayla in tow. Amanda and Cayla had insisted upon moving in to the tiny studio apartment and splitting the rent to make it easier. Erin never could quite understand how three people managed to make so small a living space functional, but somehow, the girls made the best of it. Cayla found a job at a local restaurant waiting tables, and Amanda dedicated herself to writing and scientific research. But for today, none of the three women needed to worry about work. It was a dreary Friday morning, and the threat of snow had resulted in a day off. Erin pulled herself out of bed, cursing softly at her own inability to move. She had lived with Cerebral Palsy since birth, but the most difficult part of her journey had been the torn ligament that landed her in a wheelchair. Since Cayla was working her way through nursing school, she usually had help if she needed it. Erin had encouraged Cayla to follow her own dreams, and now she was doing what she loved. All three of them needed a different environment to be able to flourish.

After a few near falls while struggling to get into her wheelchair and get dressed, Erin wandered into the kitchen. The rest of the apartment was too quiet for her liking, but her roommates had gone off for the day. Where were they again? Oh, yes, that was it. Cayla was pulling a double shift at the hospital for her community service, while Amanda had a date with Jonathan. Erin smiled as she found a note from Amanda pinned to the fridge.

_ **Sis,** _

_ **I’ve left you some roast chicken for lunch. Please don’t use that infernal microwave to warm it up.(If we didn’t need it for other things I’d get a hammer. . . But I digress. . .) There are roasted vegetables in the oven, so be careful when you open it. I charged your laptop in case you want to get out and write for a while. Don’t forget that we have Broadway tickets tonight! Cayla will be off in time to help you get ready. I’ll be with Jonathan if you need me. Love you.** _

_ ** Amanda** _

_ ** P.S. Cayla says you might want to wear your green dress tonight, so I have it ready and hanging in the closet.** _

Erin picked up her laptop, chuckling to herself as she went. Cayla had an obsession with green dresses, and Amanda had often joked about finding her a nice Jewish boy who could keep her in bed all week. Was that what they planned to do tonight? She shrugged, easily pushing the laptop into it’s protective sleeve and tying up the charger cord in case she needed it later. If she left now, she still had enough time to grab a coffee, do some work and make it back to shower before her friends returned.

Now for step two, find your way to the subway. Erin placed her laptop in its sleeve and the sleeve under her arm, holding it tight. She picked up the map of the city and tried her best to roll away.

“Too many things to hold, too many things to deal with, so much to freaking do, ugh.”, she muttered.

She had always wanted to live in the city, but she had not anticipated the crowds of people or the hassles that came with being wheelchair bound. By sheer determination she managed to get herself into a wheelchair taxi and get to the park where she could at last get a coffee and relax. Despite knowing that very few people drove in the city, she might have to start. The taxi prices were highway robbery and it would be much more convenient than waiting for someone else to chauffeur her around. Perhaps, if she could relax in the park for a while and get some writing done, it might take her mind off of things.

Mercifully, the taxi ride was quiet, and inexpensive. The driver grunted the fare, made sure she disembarked with few issues and then drove off, leaving her in peace.

_This is one way to get started. Maybe I should stay here and enjoy things until inspiration strikes._

Central Park was the perfect place to visit when the weather was calm. Erin loved the idea of sitting in the park with her laptop and a cup of coffee. Perhaps she would write, or maybe just watch the people around her while listening to her music. When the inspiration hit, she would know, and hopefully, she would be able to write in peace. Amanda and Cayla knew well enough to leave her to herself when she wanted to write, unless Amanda needed to bounce ideas off her. Still, it felt good to have a change of pace with no interruptions. The scenery and different sounds would allow her to people watch and perhaps use some of those interactions in her stories. Being in the center of Manhattan felt authentic and inspiring. Perhaps her ideals of Brooklyn had been too far beneath her character, something Cayla had suggested when she worried about them being safe in the city. The available Wi-Fi hotspots made her work easier, since she was able to connect and send emails as she went, even browsing a few job sites. After all, the cost of living was different here than it had been at home in North Carolina. Today, it was all emailing and hoping prospective employers would call after the weekend. But soon, she wouldn’t have to worry about any of that. If she could get a job doing something she loved in a city that had captivated her heart for years, then why shouldn’t she make the best possible effort to obtain it?

_Following my heart has almost never been a wrong choice. I just hope it isn’t this time, either. The last thing I need at this point in my life is a misstep sending me back to square one where none of it matters. I want my artistry to be able to speak for itself, and someday, when I’m not cooped up in an office job, I can devote myself to it full time._ When she could manage that, it would be a miracle. The cost of living had been higher than she’d expected, but it was more sensible to stay where she was. At least this way she had a chance at steady employment. When she had announced she was moving to the city, Cayla and Johnny were the only ones who offered their unconditional support. Johnny had been thrilled at the idea of her being closer for his children. 

It had taken Amanda some time to warm to the idea, especially after she and Jonathan had already talked about going to North Carolina. But they all knew that Erin’s love for the Big Apple would lead her there eventually, and so they tried to encourage her. Some days, it was enough. On others, like today, all of them wondered if she had lost her mind. Erin was always the first to consider the possibility; she was too far from her family, and didn’t know anyone here except her friends. She had dragged Amanda and Cayla with her. The girls attempted to let her know that was not the case; in fact it was as far from the truth as one could get. 

Central Park had become their peaceful place, where they didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s thoughts or ideas. Erin could let her mind wander for a little while. She was free to let the stress fall off her shoulders. If they were wise enough, the others could notice her mood, and they knew when it was safe to leave her to herself. She could be placed in a creative bubble, where the sights and smells and sounds around her gave birth to new words, pictures, rhymes and rhythms that only she could create in her own special way.

Minutes could turn into uninterrupted hours when she let her guard down, but that wouldn’t be possible today. She only had a few hours to pull her thoughts together, get another coffee, and then take in the show she’d never thought she would get the chance to see. 

_This time, I’m really not throwing away my shot. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and Lin will be at the show tonight?_, she mused, finding her way to a coffee shop for a boost before she went home to change. She could sense something magical was coming, but she had no idea just how big it would be, or how it would change her life.

_Raise a glass— coffee cup, whatever! Same thing!—to new beginnings!_


End file.
